What are some funny and smart quotes?

My sister Tracy sent me these a little while ago. I thought I’d share them. Thanks Trace.

“The human brain can only operate as fast as its slowest brain cells. Too much alcohol kills brain cells, especially the slower, weaker ones. So, regular consumption of beer eliminates the slower brain cells after you’ve had a few beers which will speed up your brain.”

“It’s a little known fact that pigs are the smartest animal. Scientists say that if pigs had thumbs and a language that they could be trained to do manual labor. They give you 20 to 30 years of loyal service and then at their retirement dinner, you can eat them.”

My girlfriend lied and said she never gave oral until me. She was very skilled. I’m upset with her lying. Do I dump her?

“Everyone in the Swiss Army owns a Swiss Army knife. That’s why no one messes with Switzerland.”

They did a study between postal workers and chimpanze...

“Ah just like all women. If they’re not turning down your proposal of marriage, they”re accusing you of suspicious behavior in the lingerie changing room.”

Is 1500 calories enough for a 5’3 15-year-old who is non-active?

Few people had funnier or smarter quotes than Cliff Clavin from the TV show, Cheers.

“There is no rule against postal workers dating women. It just works out that way.”

“It’s a little known fact that the tan became popular in the Bronze Age.”

I'm a 27 year old male currently but I am going through going through gender dysphoria. Why do some transgender people (specifically transgender women since I see that the most) call themselves trannies or shemales? Aren't those offensive words?

“A Freudian slip is when you say one thing when you’re really thinking about a mother.”